How Ship Life is Like Prison as told by the Ladies of ‘Orange is the New Black’

At one time or another every crew member has referred to our floating home as a prison, and on your worst days it really feels like it. Now, I know life on a luxury cruise liner is obviously not actually like prison life (I’m not Gwenyth Paltrow or anything), but with all the excitement surrounding the release of season 2 of “Orange is the New Black,” I thought it would be fun to let my favorite ladies of Litchfield Penitentiary explain a few of the small similarities.

Crazy Clingers


You should be decent and friendly to all your fellow crew members, but beware because some people will take it the wrong way. Before you know it you’re receiving earrings and poems from someone with crazy eyes who wants to make you their wife.

Limited Phone Calls


Calling home becomes a rare treat. Those phone cards are expensive and most of the time your family doesn’t pick up because it’s a rando number from Ft. Lauderdale calling. 

Basic Foods Become the Holy Grail

Bitch, you got a donut!?! Lemme get some of that!!
Bitch, you got a donut!?! Lemme get some of that!!

It’s not sponge-y cake, so you’ll shiv a girl for a taste of some sweet treat from home.

“Ship Guys”


The creepiest of the creepy are found on a ship. Not all, though, some are like this guy:

Ahhh, sweet and sexy Bennett.
Ahhh, sweet and sexy Bennett.

Being Incarcerated with an Ex


If I’ve said it once (and I have: here), I’ll say it a million times – you’ll never feel more like a prisoner than when your ex signs on. 

Such a Cast of Characters


I can honestly say I met the most colorful people amongst the ship’s crew. They are crazy and, like Piper, I probably would never have met these people in my real life.

Relationships No One Else Will Understand

Larry copy

Larry says it best in his public radio interview. People on the outside will never understand these relationships.



Since there are so few of us onboard, ship girls stick together. The bonds formed while muddling your way through ship life will last a lifetime – no matter how many contracts, time zones or years separate you. 

“Orange is the New Black” season 2 will be available for bingeing this Friday, June 6th. The bitches are back and I’m sooooo ready for more prison yard drama. Are you guys excited for the premiere?


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