An Average Girl’s Thoughts During Yoga.

Instructor: “Welcome, everyone. Today we’re going to center ourselves and focus on the self for this hour. So leave behind all the stresses and to-do lists for today and just focus on you and your body. Let’s begin with a deep breath…”

  1. Boy, I needed that breath.
  2. That stretch was nice.
  3. Did I put my phone on silent?
  4. This class is going to be such a breeze.
  5. Wow this forward fold is deeper than I thought I would get. I can almost touch my toes!
  6. Don’t fart.
  7. Cat-cow feels dirty. Is this move supposed to feel dirty?
  8. Farting during cat-cow would be the worst.
  9. How did downward dog get its name? This doesn’t look dog-like at all.
  10. I hope the girl behind me can’t see my underwear.
  11. Seriously, don’t fart.
  12. I hate planking. I hate planking. I hate planking.
  13. One more breath and plank is over.
  14. Again with the downward-not-really-dog-like dog.
  15. Why are my feet slipping? These mats are slippery.
  16. When’s the water break?
  17. Do not fart.
  18. The instructor’s tank top is so cute.
  19. I wonder if they have that in the gift shop. (side note: they did and it was $45)
  20. Time for eagle. Awesome. I’m great at eagle.
  21. There have got to be great benefits to this much thigh work.
  22. This pose kind of looks like you have to take a poop.
  23. Dammit, now I’m thinking about poop. Don’t fart.
  24. My arms don’t cross that way.
  25. How does any busty woman successfully do Eagle?
  26. Ok, I’m really sweating now.
  27. Why am I always inhaling when she says “now exhale?”
  28. Am I bad at breathing?
  29. Can someone be bad at breathing?
  30. Girl, don’t fart.
  31. Did I send that email to Karen this morning?
  32. Yay! Savasana! This is my favorite pose.
  33. Just get comfortable, but don’t fart.
  34. This is nice. I worked hard.
  35. Now let’s just lie here and de-stress for a few minutes. I totally deserve this.
  36. Well, thanks, Miss Instructor, now I have “Let it Go” in my head.
  37. One day, I want to have a Christmas party and have “Frozen” on in the background.
  38. Is “Frozen” considered a Christmas movie?
  39. “White Christmas” is on Netflix, right?
  40. Maybe I should buy it cause “Hocus Pocus” wasn’t on Netflix at Halloween.
  41. I should just start an Amazon Wish List of all the holiday movies I want so I always have them.
  42. “Hocus Pocus,” “White Christmas,” “It’s a Wonderful Life”…
  43. Gosh, it’s quiet in here.
  44. This would be the worst possible time to fart.
  45. Are we opening our eyes yet?
  46. I need to open my eyes a little or I might fall asleep.
  47. I love sitting criss-cross applesauce. Reminds me of kindergarten.
  48. Didn’t fart.

    victory kid



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