An Average Girl’s Thoughts During Yoga.
Instructor: “Welcome, everyone. Today we’re going to center ourselves and focus on the self for this hour. So leave behind all the stresses and to-do lists for today and just focus on you and your body. Let’s begin with a deep breath…”
- Boy, I needed that breath.
- That stretch was nice.
- Did I put my phone on silent?
- This class is going to be such a breeze.
- Wow this forward fold is deeper than I thought I would get. I can almost touch my toes!
- Don’t fart.
- Cat-cow feels dirty. Is this move supposed to feel dirty?
- Farting during cat-cow would be the worst.
How did downward dog get its name? This doesn’t look dog-like at all.
- I hope the girl behind me can’t see my underwear.
- Seriously, don’t fart.
- I hate planking. I hate planking. I hate planking.
- One more breath and plank is over.
- Again with the downward-not-really-dog-like dog.
- Why are my feet slipping? These mats are slippery.
- When’s the water break?
- Do not fart.
- The instructor’s tank top is so cute.
- I wonder if they have that in the gift shop. (side note: they did and it was $45)
Time for eagle. Awesome. I’m great at eagle.
- There have got to be great benefits to this much thigh work.
- This pose kind of looks like you have to take a poop.
- Dammit, now I’m thinking about poop. Don’t fart.
- My arms don’t cross that way.
- How does any busty woman successfully do Eagle?
- Ok, I’m really sweating now.
- Why am I always inhaling when she says “now exhale?”
- Am I bad at breathing?
- Can someone be bad at breathing?
- Girl, don’t fart.
- Did I send that email to Karen this morning?
- Yay! Savasana! This is my favorite pose.
- Just get comfortable, but don’t fart.
- This is nice. I worked hard.
- Now let’s just lie here and de-stress for a few minutes. I totally deserve this.
Well, thanks, Miss Instructor, now I have “Let it Go” in my head.
- One day, I want to have a Christmas party and have “Frozen” on in the background.
- Is “Frozen” considered a Christmas movie?
- “White Christmas” is on Netflix, right?
- Maybe I should buy it cause “Hocus Pocus” wasn’t on Netflix at Halloween.
- I should just start an Amazon Wish List of all the holiday movies I want so I always have them.
- “Hocus Pocus,” “White Christmas,” “It’s a Wonderful Life”…
- Gosh, it’s quiet in here.
- This would be the worst possible time to fart.
- Are we opening our eyes yet?
- I need to open my eyes a little or I might fall asleep.
- I love sitting criss-cross applesauce. Reminds me of kindergarten.
- Didn’t fart.