40 Thoughts During “The Empire Strikes Back”

Well, obviously if I jotted own my thoughts during “A New Hope,” of course I’ll keep that pen and paper next to me during “Empire Strikes Back.” Now a few more observations from a grown-ass woman who’s never seen Star Wars.


  • WHOA! Ice monster! Da fuq!? Starting strong…
  • Han wrapped in a parka = still hot
  • Oh my God, Leia! Han, I’ll take her goodbye kiss. Please and thank you.
  • Leia, you dumbass. Just kiss him.
  • Han, what are you doing near that giant, dead animal? Wait… oh God… Noooo!! tumblr_n538n5Byyv1qg4blro2_500
  • Luke’s in a diaper. This is already not his movie…
  • “Nerf-herder”? Yeah, I need to start saying that.
  • Oh no. That kiss. I wish I didn’t know the things I know. I’m gonna be sick.leia-kisses-luke-o
  • You thought your adolescence sucked? Luke’s being lead on by his sister…
  • Does John Williams just sit at his piano and think, “How will I change the hearts of movie lovers today?”
  • I WANT A WOOKIE HUG!!!62c6a021d8afe4d4c737f25ef284148e
  • Wait, wasn’t Leia British before?
  • Ugh, how is she so commanding and elegant at the same time? #goals
  • Damn, Luke just took down one of those giant metal termites all on his own!
  • I just experienced so much anxiety thinking they were going to leave C3PO behind.
  • Yoda… my first thought: what a creepy little f***
  • Han + Leia = my new relationship role models
  • That’s no cave?! Holy shit! I keep saying holy shit…maxresdefault (1)
  • Damn, Skywalker be hitting the gym!
  • “Size matters not.” – Yoda. Heh. Heh.
  • Guys, this movie is super spiritual.
  • Hey! A black guy!
  • Lando’s mustache and coif are really working for me.billy-dee-williams-star-wars
  • C3PO!!! What. Just. Happened.
  • How long does Leia spend on her hair? I can’t even do like one braid on my own.
  • Chewy gathering C3PO’s parts is ripping my heart out.
  • Chewy’s crying reminds me of “Blackfish.”
  • Han is weak as hell and can still manage a punch? Mmmmm.
  • Ripping Han away from Leia? There’s my first tear.
  • “I know”!?!?! What a dick.tumblr_mp3r90sy651rahe8vo1_500
  • Han’s chamber looks like an iPhone.
  • And Lando’s got a smart watch.
  • Do Lando’s lips ever actually move? (choking scene) Ahhh, there they go.
  • I want a C3PO backpackScreen shot 2012-05-03 at 8.59.03 AM
  • Did Luke just Super Mario jump out of there?
  • Not gonna lie… I always thought Lando Calrissian was a pro baseball player or something, not a Star Wars character.
  • Whoa! Luke loses his hand!?!
  • I wish my mind could dream up all of these things.
  • They really have perfected prosthetic limbs in this galaxy.
  • Damn, Han. That hyper drive kinda sucks. 


  • Holy hell, this next DVD is not loading fast enough…

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